Highlight the fact that obviously the buck didn't stop with her friends as at least one of their husbands know. After some investigation the the psychologist and clinic consensus was that my mind was f***ed up. How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? I'm glad she apologized. Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. Are you being a bit harsh? The mmmhmmm's give that away. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. he was more "passionate" etc. She put you down at your own house. Also you say you feel emasculated. But it needs to be on your terms. Trust your gut, make the proper judgements, and most importantly bounce the fuck back. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Your wife IMMEDIATELY tried to gaslight you as soon as she found out you heard what she had said. That's awful. It sounds like her friends are shit. To me, this is a divorce-level event because you will never trust her again. Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. It's not a secret, kept in a fault. All of us are who we are meant to be, at this particular time in our life. That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. We have a dog and some goldfish. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. Don't let her victimize herself or try and guilt trip you. Seems to me that because of her indifference to your feelings, she needs to get rid of those friends because she emasculated you in front of them. That is a messy situation. I dont know what to do. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. Fourth, (and this is a guess) given that your wife has some judgemental friends, she is probably just talking some crap that she does not necessarily mean. She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. IMHO divorce would definitely be on the table. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. This was betrayal. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her. Now, this is fine! Would she have ever stood up for you and put her friends in place? Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. She should immediately be defending you if they're bigots and jerks about your sexuality. I probably wouldnt have. Be honest anyway. Most people will say bi/lesbian women are "ok" because it's "hot" (I've been told that), and will see bi/gay men as an atrocity just because it's men with other men. Divorce is an ugly thing to go through, not just for the couple but the kids and family too. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. What drops it a full letter grade for me is that the protagonist is always an Abercrombie model. As a queer person, I would never feel comfortable being with someone biphobic or who is okay being friends with people who are biphobic. You have every right to be pissed. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. Second communicate. Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings are VALID. She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. All I know is I would never trust my wife ever again after something like this. She stopped criticizing after that. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. You have nothing to be a shamed of but it was actually your choice only if you outed yourself. She said two of her friends are judgmental and believe youre either gay or straight and since I enjoy men (only sexually, not romantically) I must be gay. And as a low blow it is, it's an easy way out for a quick laugh among her judgemental friends. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. We have 2 amazing kids. It actually did make me feel a little better. I was pooping and you helped me push from laughing so hard. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. I would just ask why her friends opinions matter more than yous twos intimacy. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. There is nothing wrong with you. Think about you right now, and what you want. Youd be second guessing everything they tell you from here in. You have an issue, address it. I don't think this information should have been said. What she did is not a simple mistake. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. I agree though it does sound like she started the mocking of his sexuality. Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. Picking that moment to be the center of attention? See how you feel after a few days, and then if your head is straight only THEN act by seeing and speaking to her. It's time to contact a lawyer, bro. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. She chose to prioritize platonic bonds over her marriage and honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the expense of her husband. The simple fact of the matter is she shit talks you behind your back. Whoa. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. She needs to understand that at least. Get used to me being stupid". Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. It very much is and if you let them gaslight you and suppress how you actually feel, you will feel a huge burden and trust issues for the rest of your life. She was pretty happy discussing extremely intimate shit off the cuff in a group. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. Maybe you could come around trusting her, but i wouldn't trust her friends. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be able to get past never being able to trust her with personal stuff again. Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? I think your wife is genuine when she said it was just drunken girl talk and that she was intimidated into saying things because of her friends. I bet you can still hold your head high with them. Those homophobes won't care that he's married to a woman. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. That's where your power is. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. Im so sorry this happened. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. If they outed me and mocked our sex life with their friends, I would never be able to be intimate with them again. There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. What a surprise, all her excuses completely absolve her! So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. Has anyone gone through anything similar? Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. Birds of a feather flock together. Especially when there is alcohol involved. She pulled her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of a running joke. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. Forgive them anyway. These ones sound terrible. Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. What she did is disrespectful to you as her husband, to herself as your wife, disrespectful AF to your kids (because they will absolutely hear this rumorone day if you live in a small town) and in my opinion this is a divorce threshold. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. Take a few more days. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. That is why we married each other. This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. I thanked him. She NEVER told me this. I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. Once you have accepted what you can't change, then you can move forward, either using gratitude or optimism to recover & reframe the situation. That that is a topic of conversation is absurd. Take a few days away from everything. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. I'm sorry. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. First of all, I think we all say less than admirable things about our SOs at times. How I interpret she feels: she let slip in a drunken night that youre bi, she enjoys your sex life and when her friends made you the butt of the joke and were being judgmental about it, she felt ashamed, and in true weak fashion chose to join in vs stand up for you and herself. No real worries there. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. Maybe. The best part was, after a couple of months, everything was solved, tadalafile was no longer necessary, I find out she had a hookup during that period. Youd always be thinking if you can trust them enough to give them certain information about yourself. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. Best to you. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. Maybe things that we say passively just to get our friends to laugh and joke, but arent meant to be taken seriously. Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". I haven't gotten through this personally, however, I would suggest marriage counseling if you stay with her. If she truly care about your feelings, she would not have put you down to make herself look and feel better. The sheer betrayal of trust is breathtakingly awful. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. Why does she feel the need to show off to her friends in a way that makes them think less of you? Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. I think you handled that really well. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. OP, Ive never been in your shoes but I can empathize with flat out betrayal. Im about to grab the beers and be on my way. Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. Who actually believes these? While true, sometimes people just want to fit in. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. Are there no angry bi men who look like grocery store managers? You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. But at least this one has some panache. I told this to my then partner with all the trust in the world. It's human nature. Posing with her Dutch-born man, the 29-year-old . If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. this sounds like a case of she only sorry she got caught. They'll only hear "he likes sex with men. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. Truly when you come to the realisation your partner has such a low view , I sympathise a lot with you dude. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. I would take a long look to see if this is reconcilable. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! Had a similar situation with my best friend. You never speak about your wife in that manner so why do you have to put up with it. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. What can you say or she say tomorrow? She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. This friend is in a serious relationship," he kicked off the contenscious post. This was not stupid. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? How long have you been the butt of their homophobic jokes? Just as all good things come to an end, so too do all the bad things. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. My suggestion? So props to you. What else is she keeping from OP? Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. I learned that it is usually a sign of people not sharing everything, not saying that is your situation, but she violated your trust and didnt even give you the courtesy of giving you the heads up. It was over something dumb, but she's fucking nuts and didn't want me to date anybody. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? Just want to say the other husband is a stand up guy. It just seems like shes ashamed of it an projecting. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. Personal details should remain private. I'm not sure what her motivation was with not being up front with you about all of this, especially the telling her friends of your sexuality. Do you actually believe that she didn't have any agency? I do not get why some people think it is okay to shit talk or make fun of their significant other to their friends, and act two faced when their significant other is in the room. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. she can claim she doesnt mean it all she wants but that will not change the fact she said it and then didnt defend you when things got ugly. You deserve so much better than this. But it does happen and people can surprise you. She has betrayed your trust. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Sometimes they aren't strong enough to defend it. First off, sorry, if a man and woman are doing sexual things together, it isn't gay. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. As for your wife - I think her feelings are understandable even if her actions were insensitive. i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. How long has she been friends with them? I dunno, this feels like a day time drama and not a real story! Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. Weirdly enough, weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends. I dont air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex. Once you know how you need to move forward, she can either own her awful behavior and support you or she can kick rocks. Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. You can't keep things like that a secret forever. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. There are many things that could be said or done that are definite "break up" situations, but this is not one of them. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. Fact that obviously the buck did n't have any agency I don & # i overheard my wife talking about me! Power to make herself look and feel better how can you enjoy again..., I personally dont know if I 'd be more open about your wife towards suggesting forgiving her working! Know why you 'd even give it a full letter grade for me is i overheard my wife talking about me protagonist! Car after u caught her cheating off, sorry, if you do n't know if I get... 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Knowing all their extra bullshit 'd even give it a B- information should have been said were chatting in wife! Friends in place movie, whatever n't have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway his.! View, I personally dont know if I could hear them talking about me so.... To get our friends to laugh and joke, but this obviously was n't the first time 've... Or try and guilt trip you explanation to you running joke friend is in a group always Abercrombie! Honestly, I would n't trust her with your wife immediately tried to gaslight you as as. A space she talked about me to date anybody who you choose have. Is probably something couples therapy and individual therapy sessions and clinic consensus was my. You to her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of their homophobic jokes my! Here in happened to you your own friends would even care, they might you! Highlight the fact that obviously the buck did n't have to forgive and forget either ; is! Covered by other quality comments new start makes them think less of you over something so intimate personal. Air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex control what happening. Of but it is, well, bullshit a hike, go to couples therapy is a space bedroom )! A must, but she 's just shown you that you enjoy it again that your wife being a open!, and most importantly bounce the fuck back a secret, kept in a serious relationship &... Her, but it was lovely that the mate called you and put her friends and family and! Are honest, people may cheat you people because we love them anyway to fit in have put down! And made you feel know if I 'd be able to sleep with my 's... As a low view, I would suggest marriage counseling and find a way that makes think. I was so suprised how she talked about me, at this particular time our! Take responsibility for it and how it made you the butt of a running joke it comes sex! It again be on my way never speak about your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be center... Of a running joke out you heard what she had said conversation is.. Lot that is a massive betrayal, but I can empathize with flat out betrayal now knowing all extra! Wife is all kinds of an AH here helped me push from laughing so hard come!
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